From Frederikke_1
Dear Liam.
I don’t know where to start, and I’m not even sure why I write this.
I know your gone, I know you won’t read this, but I don’t want to face it. It’s been 6 days, but I think I first realized what happened now. I’m out of words and an empty feeling is stuck inside of me. I can’t stop crying or thinking about you, which is weird because I don’t know you. Well, you don’t know me, I feel like I know everything about you, but I think that’s proved wrong now. You’ve had a hard, rough, depressed time, that’s what we heard, and I’m sorry it wasn’t taken seriously enough. I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t blame your fans for your fall, but I wish we could’ve helped you out, at least a little bit. I will not bring up any bad things, but when we lost you, you thought every “fan” hated you, and that’s not true Liam. I will be honest, I actually don’t even know what all of this was or what happened, but what I do know is, we love you and we miss you a lot. What ive heard was that you made a mistake, and your fans turned on you, and you know what, that’s not fair. Everyone makes mistakes and nobody should be hated for saying something wrong. It makes my heart cry if that was what you were thinking of in the moment, because even though you may lost some supporters, it doesn’t make you less fantastic or lovely, because that’s what you will be remembered for.
Its weird. Seeing you overall in the medias and posts about you. I remember that night, my friend posted it on her story with a caption saying “CHOK”. I nervously laughed, and I was sure it was fake news from a weird website. It began appearing on TikTok and Instagram and I decided to wait to the next morning and hoped it would be all gone. I woke up and it was still all over the internet, it was everywhere, and I couldn’t escape it. I didn’t know what to think or believe, i was empty. My dearest friend of mine texted me later that day. “Have you seen it?”. I broke down because i knew it was realistic now. I’m glad she thought about asking me, because of all people she know how hardcore of a fan I’ve been. I hope you had friends like her, and I’m sure you do, because i can’t imagine a friend of yours being bad to you. Yesterday i found out that my dad already knew about it, but he couldn’t get himself to bring the news to me. I think he knew i would be devastated, which is kind of crazy because I’m gonna be honest, i haven’t been a good fan the past years. I became an obsessed fan in 2020 but fell out of it again when i graduated freshmen. It is a good question why i write this letter then, but i guess something inside me will always feel connected to you, even though i may not be a crazy fan anymore. I was at the hairdresser a few days ago, they played one direction while they talked about you. I felt a pressure in my body, and I don’t enjoy talking about you these days. It honestly feels like a lost a good friend of mine, which may seem crazy when i haven’t meet or talked to you before. That’s just what it feels like, I can’t explain it.
I became a fan of one direction in my early days because my big sister introduced me. I was 6 years old, so i can’t remember that much from my first 1D phase. I have some things memorized, and they’re include you. I was a big fan of the L’s, because you and Louis where my absolute favorite. I had a picture of you with big and kind of curly hair, with the green splatted background hanging over my bed, which i kissed goodnight everynight. I was in London with my family and i kept begged for the “Liam shoes”, which was high nike air force, and of course i got them to match with you. This is a thing me and my family still brings up something, which shows how big of an inflence you have had on my entire life. I went to a One direction concert in 2014, if i remember right, sadly i dont remember the night, but atleast ive seen yall i guess.
Im not sure what hit me, but one day in covid quarantine i got all obsessed again. I found my old pictures, perfumes, tickets, even my old instagram filled with embarrasing pictures and videoes of you and the rest of the band. It clicked for me, and i became nearly scary obsessed, and I dont know it that is a good thing, but i know that i loved you with every piece of my heart. Even though i may not be a directly fan anymore, i think that my heart have always saved a place for you, which may be the reason i feel so much grief. In 2020 I remember sitting in online class, while watching your instagram lives with a big smile. I remember crying in class often, why? Because i literally imagined you hugged me or heard your songs. I will admit it, that may not be normal, but i was happy and i felt loved by you even though you have no idea who i am. That’s what so amazing about fandoms, espacially this one direction fandom, we stick together and have a speciel kind of connection with eachother, and one direction died almost 10 years ago, that is what i call an addicted fandom. You created this fandom, you make me and a lot of others feel safe, happy and loved. I hope you are proud of yourself and what you have recived because you have a speciel impact on many people. Even though im sad and lost of words, I will never regret being a fan of you, feel close to you, love you, because it was all worth it. When i cried, you where there for me, when i was angry, you calmed me down, when i was confused, you helped me and most important, when i was happy, you listened. I felt all of this without you being there, and shows how gratefull i am to expirence you and one direction and this family you created. This is the questions i used to get. “You dont know them”, “Why do you cry over people who dont know who you are”, “How can they affect your emotions?”. You know what, i do know you, and you know me. We have followed eachother trough our whole lives and we have influenced eachother through the years. We may never had a conversation or met, but i know you love me as much as i love you, and there must be a reason for my addiction of 12 years. I still catch myself hearing your music, text you or watching tiktoks late at night, because i miss you. How can you miss a famous person? Because he is my friend, he is my childhood memories, he is my biggest supporter when i needed someone to be there for me. I hope you get it, or else i sound kind of crazy.
I sometimes catch myself looking up to the sky, try to find signs of you. I hope you’re doing well up there, you deserve it. Peace. I can’t imagine how you fell. What you where thinking of, and what kinda pills you where on, if that even was the case. Was it on purpose? Was it your fans fault? Was it an accident? What was going on in your beautiful head. I know this ain’t anybodys fault, and i wont blame yourself for it either, but that dosen’t make it any less awfull. I know its too late, but im deeply sad, empty, broken for the loss of you. Its horrible and unbeliveable, and i wish i could’ve met the amazing and kind person you were. If i feel such a grief i can’t imagine how your family and close friends feel, and im sending lots of respect and love to them, espacially your son Bear, who will grow up not knowing how amazing his father was. I want to let you know that Zayn, Louis, Niall and Harry posted about you. They miss you a lot, and i thought you may been wondering about it.
You deserve this life, you deserve to be happy and full of joy, so my biggest wish is that you receive that in heaven. I dont know the point of writing this letter, but i guess its my goodbye, even though i never got to say hello. I hope you will read this somehow, so you know nobody will ever forget you, for the absolutely warmhearted and incredible person you were. This is hard and will be a scar that never heals, but i love you Liam, i love you very highly. I wish your nearest all the best, and I hope you’ve got another chance in another life, as you deserve.
Love from Denmark
