Dear Chester,
I wish I could have met you. Your journey reminds me of my own. I was bullied as a kid; didn't have a lot of friends. I have been in two rivalries in high school (I won both). My ex was toxic and didn't really love me. I don't know about you, but I have huge abandonment and trust issues. I have had seizures (epilepsy) since I was 1 year old and take pills for them.
I am, unfortunately, still going through a lot. I made a friend about 13 months ago, and he's introduced me to a lot of things. We have been long distance for about a year. We were messaging, and it turns out I misremembered something he said. I kinda froze when I read that message about a year ago. Ok, I guess. I have been terrified to contact him since, but...ok? I make friends with people at school last year, and I got really close to one of them-to the point where he knows everything he needed to know about me. We didn't really have a plan for the summer except to contact each other when the other is available. Well, that didn't really work out and am unsure of whether that person from school is still my friend. And I got into this situation because I am terrified to contact one of my favorite people due to a misrememberence. I kick myself every day for that.
I guess I am just too much for people. Like with that person from school, I get attached to someone and they get overwhelmed and leave. It's just the fact that I have been alone for almost all of the 21 (almost 22) years of existence that I've had. When I first heard of your death, I remember thinking that I really want to meet you; recently, I sometimes think about going up there for you to meet me.
I know we never met in real life, but maybe we could have helped each other-who knows. I'm opening up to you in this letter because I don't know who else would understand, and I am not opening up to people anymore.....it's too exhausting to be abandoned by people constantly.
Thank you for understanding. I hope you know how much you are universally cherished by people-even now, so long after your death.
Even if it's not soon, I hope to meet you someday.
See you later,
Lauren
